Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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