I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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