2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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