my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
