guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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