Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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