You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
