MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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