:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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