Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're breaking my sexual little heart
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
