when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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