They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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