I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
