I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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