I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
