I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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