I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
