Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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