A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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