i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what day is it and did you see me today?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No subtext here. People are naked.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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