are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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