we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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