I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would fuck him just for his dog
how does that bad decision feel?
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