Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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