Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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