some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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