sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
