I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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