I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
