Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
