nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
