My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
