I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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