Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
