Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
