Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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