I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
