his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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