the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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