I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
