Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
