Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
