I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
