it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
