Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently you make a good broom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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