Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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