I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
