Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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