i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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