You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
