Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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