So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
