living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
