This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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