If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
