I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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