Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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