you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
