nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
