I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
