At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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