How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
