I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
